Muck Up Day 2018 – Records, & Glasses, are Broken

“I’ll pick you up at 6:45am,” was a message A) I had never received from Ethan Taylor before and B) I would never like to receive again.

The reason for the early arrival would be the Furze Platt Senior School annual ‘Muck Up Day’ ‘Celebration Day,’ the last day of term which would also the last day of our school careers. Popular in America where departing students would vandalise decorate the school each year, the tradition made its way across the pond to Furze Platt a few years ago, although judging by the state of the Sixth Form block on Thursday evening it may end up being sent back!

The Sixth Form study room had seen far better days...

The first record of the day would be set with a 5:55am alarm clock, a time alien to myself and many of our accomplices. Despite usually being reserved for Grand Prix only, the early awakening allowed me to catch a lift from Ethan to the school to finish preparations for the day ahead.

We would be joined by Henry and Patrick, both of whom were sporting legitimate army uniform. I was hoping to be dressed as Private Joker from Stanley Kubrick’s classic Full Metal Jacket, but unfortunately the Amazon Carrier Pigeon failed to deliver my helmet in time (it still hasn’t arrived at the time of writing!); Ethan on the other hand would be dressed in a similar fashion to Jonas Savimbi from the first mission of Call of Duty Black Ops II.

Preparations finished, the African warlord dropped us at the park for a meet up with a man in a ghillie suit (Sammy Cowds) and Animal Mother, also from Full Metal Jacket (Ollie). The numbers quickly escalated as more and more of our Year joined the Strongbow-drinking early birds; a quick picture in the car park (credit to Colonel Merri) before we set off for the school.

War! What is it good for?

As predicted, our decorations had been removed by the time of arrival, leaving several bemused Year 7’s with no clue what was about to occur. A charge, much greater than Woking’s attempted charge by 4 or so youths on the Bell [Street] End at Maidenhead three years ago, was completed before a short parade around the school.

"Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough"

In what must have been the most highly attended assembly in our two years at the Sixth Form, yours truly would win a pack of Haribo for best bromance with Ethan T (I promise we’re not gay!). A final “Please please please” from Head of Sixth Mr Dollery would send us on our way, not before a delicious bacon bap courtesy of receptionist, Mrs Pasa.

In the Bear for 10 o’clock, a second record, which felt awfully similar to a 12:30pm kick off (cheers BT Sport). A pint of San Miguel and Thatcher’s Gold were quickly drunk, upon request, as the travelling horde occupied much of the upper floor of Maidenhead’s only Wetherspoons. Wayne Dixon, who many a reader may recognise, gave us a quick visit, as did the bar staff who kindly asked us to leave. Much more had been drunk by this point - exactly what remains a mystery!

A Maidenhead legend...

The approximately 40 strong group were guided towards Off the Tap by myself, a regular drinker in Maidenhead since turning 18, approaching 1:30pm. The visitors to the High Street didn’t know what to make of chants of “We’re not getting served, getting served, we’re not getting served,” and “You’re supposed to be at school,” guided towards the Geography-bunking Emily J.

The troops (pardon the pun) entered Off the Tap, who were more adequately prepared for the large turnout than the Bear’s two members of staff. A pint of Angry Orchard and a shot with Samantha C would see off the day’s drinking, factors which would see my undefeated streak on the Off the Tap pool table come to an end. The Newlands brigade, who were celebrating a similar day but with a prison theme instead, would come to say hello shortly before we left.

Maidenhead United's sole FPSS Year 13 supporters doing themselves proud

I'm glad someone remembered this photo!

In bed for five o’clock (another record) to catch up on the lost sleep would see off the end of a wonderful seven years at Furze Platt. If I’m honest, I would be lying if I said I hated any of it; sure, there have been ups and downs, many of which have been summed up with the glorious pub trip yet potential barring from all Wetherspoons across the country as seen on the last day, but the highs have by far triumphed the lows. An estimated 11 pints were consumed (more records) in what was a fantastic way to end seven years with a fantastic bunch of people...

Oh, hang on, there’s a round 2 called Prom? If you insist…